Being a successful woman can be quite the balancing act. Playing a bigger game can bring up many limiting beliefs, attitudes and fears. We need to be aware of them and do the necessary inner work to not be sabotaged by our own fears or those of others. Observing people, understanding their inner drivers and helping them break free from limiting patterns is what I’m passionate about. I think people are fascinating and I’m good at recognizing the things that hold them back from achieving their goals and dreams. Today I wanted to share with you some observations I’ve made about what holds women back from playing a bigger game.
I have a friend who’s absolutely gorgeous; she’s petite, blonde, and has a figure to die for. She loves beautiful things and dresses in a very feminine way. I remember my father commenting on her: “Your friend seems very interested in her appearance. She must be quite a shallow person. “ That could not be further from the truth! She’s soulful and wise, smart and talented. She’s writing a book that I think is brilliant!
Another friend of mine is also beautiful in every sense of the word, inside and out. She has the gift of creating beauty around her and she enjoys the little luxuries in life. For this reason she’s been categorized as a superficial person when in fact she’s intelligent, amazingly talented and deeply spiritual. She has a good heart and wants the best for everyone.
Both these women are judged by their appearances based on the strange idea that beauty and brains can’t inhabit the same body. Behind the comments these women have heard is also the belief that if you enjoy the beautiful things of the material world, you can’t be that spiritual. They have to work extra hard to prove that they are more than pretty little things to look at.
Then there are the women who are smart and educated but aren’t making any money. They have studied extensively, earning a degree after another and yet they’re not benefiting professionally or financially. They may find it difficult to promote themselves and ask for what they want because there is a deeply rooted belief in our society that women should play nice and put everyone else’s needs before their own. When a woman shamelessly promotes herself, she’s frowned upon, so we kindly wait for our turn and see other people with less knowledge and experience get the promotion and the raise we wanted.
Then there’s the freedom fighter, the warrior, the woman who rocks the boat. We admire her but we would not want to be her because she’s harshly criticized. She’s breaking all the rules of what it means to be a woman and therefore she’s considered angry, undesirable, masculine and difficult. She’s not winning any popularity contests and has to take a lot of crap from people. If she’s not smart about how she conducts herself to get her message across, she may be dismissed as yet another hysterical woman that should not be taken seriously. She is silenced with shame.
Growing up many of us were raised to be good little girls. We were told to play nice, study hard, fit in, not make a scene, look pretty and wait for our turn. We are told to listen to authority figures instead of listening to ourselves. We are told to consider everyone else’s feelings except our own. We grow up believing that if we follow the rules we will be rewarded.
Time to wake up sister! We have some unlearning to do. You need to listen to you. You need to find out who you are instead of trying to please everyone. You need to be prepared to go for what you want and not wait in the sidelines. You need to stop over preparing and start doing. Learn to think on your feet. Create your unique path instead of following the one people expect you to follow.
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.”– Katharine Hepburn
You can be both smart and beautiful. You can be strong and still feminine. You can be a nurturing mother and a successful business owner. You can have power and be gentle-hearted. You can combine all the knowledge you have with listening to your heart to create brilliant solutions. When you know your heart is in the right place you don’t need to be bothered by the people who criticize you. Don’t let them steal your dreams just because you bring up their fears, insecurities and limiting beliefs. They are not your problem. You have a problem if you deny yourself. We can choose to be guided by higher principles than the ones we have unconsciously accepted. It’s time to support each other in every way we can to make sure that women’s voices are heard along with men’s voices. The world has been out of balance long enough. Time for you to rise sister!
